英语小达人 350 Basic Rules for Cats

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　　如果要呕吐，迅速跳到一把椅子上。

　　If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.

　　如果来不及跳到椅子上，就找一张手织东方地毯。

　　If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

　　如果没有手织东方地毯，长绒地毯也凑合了。

　　2. DOORS2. 关于门Do not allow closed doors in any room.

　　所有房间的门都不能关着。

　　To get a door opened, stand on hind¹ legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.

　　出门的方法是，用后腿支起身体，用前爪不断敲门。门开了以后就没用了。

　　After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway² in and out and think about several things. It is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

　　把户门叫开后，就不当不正地站在门中间想事情，尤其是在冷天里、下雨下雪的时候或是闹蚊虫的季节。

　　3. GUESTS3. 关于客人Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap.

　　迅速判断出哪个客人最不喜欢猫，坐到他的腿上去。

　　For sitting on laps of rubbing against clothing, select fabric³ color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing.

　　找那些衣服颜色与你的毛色反差大的客人的腿上坐或身上蹭，比如：白猫找穿着黑色毛料衣服的客人。

　　Foor the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof⁴ disdain⁵; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.

　　对那些声称：“我好喜欢小猫”的客人，要作冷漠的鄙视状。用爪子去钩她们的长统袜，或是在他们的脚踝上迅速咬一小口。

　　When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me on the table when company isn't here." Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

　　在餐桌上溜达时，一听到责备声，就做出一副吃惊而又无辜的样子。这样做传递出的信息是“这些人不在的时候你是让我上餐桌的。”

　　4. WORK4. 关于工作If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping⁶, otherwise known as hampering⁷.

　　如果你的一个主人在做针线活或写东西，而另一个没事做，那么要和在做事的那个待在一起，我们管这种行为叫帮忙。相反，和没事做的那个在一起叫捣乱。

　　5. HAMPERING5. 捣乱When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be soon and thereby⁸ stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.

　　视察做饭的时候，坐在做饭人的左脚后跟处。在那儿你不易被发现，因此而被踩到，然后被抱起来抚慰。

　　For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the book. If it is a newspaper, claw at it until shredded⁹.

　　对于正在看书的人，爬到他的下巴处，刚好挡在他的眼睛和书之间。如果他看的是报纸，用爪子抓，直到把它抓踩。

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