美国国家公共电台 NPR Beaches, Bathing Suits, And Finally On The Big Screen, 'Baywatch'

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ARI SHAPIRO, HOST:

And now beaches, bathing suits and "Baywatch" - "Baywatch" on the big screen. On TV, the series turned out to be critic-proof, no doubt the movie will too. That has not kept NPR's Bob Mondello from filing this review.

BOB MONDELLO, BYLINE¹: It's a beach in Florida this time. I know you care because we're all here for the plot, right? And head lifeguard Mitch Buchannon is now The Rock, not the Hoff.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

DWAYNE JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) Our team is the elite² of the elite, the heart and soul of this very beach.

MONDELLO: Also the pecs, glutes and washboard abs of this very beach which is apparently³ in peril⁴, though you'd not guess that from the less than rigorous lifeguard tryouts Mitch is holding or the snark he throws at Zac Efron's stuck-up Olympic swimmer who tries to get out of those tryouts. Mitch won't even utter the kid's name.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) Hey, One Direction, you here for the qualifiers?

ZAC EFRON: (As Matt Brody) I'm Matt Brody. I don't have to try out. I've got two gold medals.

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) Hey, Steph.

ILFENESH HADERA: (As Stephanie Holden) Hey.

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) New Kids on the Block here is from Iowa.

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) Oh, man.

HADERA: (As Stephanie Holden) Really?

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) Let me ask you this - a lot of oceans in Iowa?

HADERA: (As Stephanie Holden) No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys. Hey, Mitch, what happened to that last pretty boy recruit we had?

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) He died.

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) What is this, lifeguard hazing⁵?

MONDELLO: Yeah, pretty much. Dwayne Johnson is endearing enough to keep that boy band name thing going a lot longer than you'd think he could. Efron's decently amusing too, mostly at playing dumb.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

ALEXANDRA DADDARIO: (As Summer Quinn) Did you just look at my boobs?

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) I...

DADDARIO: (As Summer Quinn) You should look at my face.

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) I'm trying, but it's so close to your boobs.

MONDELLO: You'll note that the gals⁶ are a take-charge bunch these days, not that Pamela Anderson wasn't. No emails, please. No one would accuse the films women of having personalities⁷, but the filmmakers decided⁸ to let them make the jokes about physicality, not be the butt⁹ of them.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

DADDARIO: (As Summer Quinn) Why does she always look like she's running in slo-mo?

JON BASS¹⁰: (As Ronnie Greenbaum) You see it too?

MONDELLO: It's the cinematic equivalent of air quotes. The guys, meanwhile, get the gross-out stuff - genitalia caught in a lounge chair, a trip to the morgue where the talk turns scrotal - actually, the guy talk frequently takes that turn. And when nudity is called for, who ends up naked? The pudgy guy who doesn't realize he's in a co-ed shower.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

BASS: (As Ronnie Greenbaum, singing) Oh, oh, oh.

KELLY ROHRBACH: (As CJ Parker) Damn, Ronnie.

BASS: (As Ronnie Greenbaum, screaming).

ROHRBACH: (As CJ Parker) Never really heard a guy sing that song, but you're really good.

BASS: (As Ronnie Greenbaum) Thank you.

ROHRBACH: (As CJ Parker) By the way, when we shower in here, we keep our suits on.

MONDELLO: Females empowered, males embarrassed, all played with bathing suits skimpy enough that you figure there must be a spandex shortage in Florida. Which is guilty pleasure-ish fun for a while until director Seth Gordon feels the need to tell an actual story involving real estate deals and a gorgeous villain¹¹ in evening gowns.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

JOHNSON: (As Mitch Buchannon) Drugs, murder, dead body on our beach, and it all started once she took over.

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) Am I the only one that thinks this is clearly a job for the police?

MONDELLO: Unlike the setup, the story founders¹² and cramps¹³ like a tourist who swam too soon after an all-you-can-eat buffet¹⁴. It doesn't quite sink "Baywatch."

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "BAYWATCH")

EFRON: (As Matt Brody) All things considered, things could have got a lot worse.

MONDELLO: That's fair. For ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, I'm Bob Mondello.

(SOUNDBITE OF JIMI JAMISON SONG, "I'M ALWAYS HERE - SINGLE VERSION")