英语听力 暮光之城•暮色 第223期:第十三章 自白(14)

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"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. “我做足了准备，去狩猎，喝得甚至比必要的还要多，然后再去见你。

I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant¹ about it. 我确信我足够坚强，可以像对待任何别的人类一样对待你。我对此很是自负。

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. 毫无疑问，情况很复杂，因为我没办法简单地通过读你的想法来知道你对我的反应。

I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous² measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind... 我很不习惯，却又不得不采取如此迂回的措施，从杰西卡的脑子里听你说的话……

her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. 她脑子里的并非原话，将就着去听实在是件恼人的事。

And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." 而且我不知道你说的是否真的是字面上的意思。这一切都格外让人气愤。”

He frowned at the memory. 想起这些，他不由得皱起了眉头。

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. “我想让你忘记我第一天时的举动，如果可能的话，所以我试着和你说话，像我和任何人所做的那样。

I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. 我确实是渴望心切，想要破译你的一些念头。

But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions... 但你太有趣了，我发现自己被你的表情迷住了……

and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent³ would stun⁴ me again... 而且你时不时会用你的手或者你的头发扰动空气，那股香味又一次刺痛了我……

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. 当然，然后你差点就要在我眼前被撞死。

Later I thought of a perfectly⁵ good excuse for why I acted at that moment— 事后我想出了一个极好的借口，解释那时候我为什么会那样做——

because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, 因为如果我不去救你的话，你的血就会在我面前喷溅出来，

I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. 我不认为我能阻止自己暴露我们的身份。

But I only thought of that excuse later. 但我只是事后才想到这个借口的。

At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" 那一刻，我所能想到的只是，‘不该是她’。”

He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized⁶ confession⁷. 他闭上眼睛，沉浸在自己痛苦的自白中。

I listened, more eager than rational. 我聆听着，渴望得有些不合常理。

Common sense told me I should be terrified. 常识告诉我，我应该感到恐惧。

Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. 但相反地，我很宽慰，因为我最终知晓了一切。

And I was filled with compassion⁸ for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving⁹ to take my life. 而且，我对他所遭受的折磨充满了怜悯，即使是在现在，即使这时他正坦白着他渴望夺走我的生命。

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