月亮和六便士 第十四章(1)

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　　During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland.  在回伦敦的旅途上，关于思特里克兰德我又想了很多。

　　I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife.  我试着把要告诉他妻子的事理出一个头绪来。

　　It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content with myself.  事情办得并不妙，我想象得出，她不会对我感到满意的，我对自己也不满意。

　　Strickland perplexed¹ me. I could not understand his motives².  思特里克兰德叫我迷惑不解。我不明白他行事的动机。

　　When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling³ to tell me.  当我问他，他最初为什么想起要学绘画的时候，他没能给我说清楚，也许他根本就不愿意告诉我。

　　I could make nothing of it.  我一点儿也搞不清楚。

　　I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind,  我企图这样解释这件事：在他的迟钝的心灵中逐渐产生了一种朦胧模糊的反叛意识。

　　but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience⁴ with the monotony of his life.  但是，一件不容置疑的事实却驳斥了上述解释：他对自己过去那种单调的生活从来没有流露出什么厌烦不耐啊。

　　If, seized by an intolerable boredom⁵, he had determined⁶ to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties,  it would have been comprehensible,  如果他只是无法忍受无聊的生活而决心当一个画家，以图挣脱烦闷的枷锁，这是可以理解的，

　　and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely⁷ what I felt he was not.  也是极其平常的事；但是问题在于，我觉得他绝对不是一个平常的人。

　　At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me.  最后，也许我有些罗曼蒂克，我想象出一个解释来，尽管这个解释有些牵强，却是唯一能使我感到满意的。

　　It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life had obscured,  那就是：我怀疑是否在他的灵魂中深深埋藏着某种创作的欲望，这种欲望尽管为他的生活环境掩盖着，

　　but which grew relentlessly⁸, as a cancer may grow in the living tissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly⁹ to action.  却一直在毫不留情地膨胀壮大，正象肿瘤在有机组织中不断长大一样，直到最后完全把他控制住，逼得他必须采取行动，毫无反抗能力。

　　The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at last the nest that has sheltered it. 杜鹃把蛋下到别的鸟巢里，当雏鸟孵出以后，就把它的异母兄弟们挤出巢外，最后还要把庇护它的巢窝毁掉。

　　But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker¹⁰, to his own ruin, perhaps,  但是奇怪的是，这种创作欲竟会抓住了一个头脑有些迟钝的证券经纪人，可能导致他的毁灭，

　　and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him;  使那些依靠他生活的人陷入不幸。

　　and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men, powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last, conquered,  但是如果同上帝的玄旨妙义有时竟也把人们抓住这一点比起来，倒也不足为奇。这些人有钱有势，可是上帝却极其警觉地对他们紧追不舍，直到最后把他们完全征服，

　　they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister¹¹.  这时他们就抛弃掉世俗的欢乐、女人的爱情，甘心到寺院中过着凄苦冷清的生活。

　　Conversion¹² may come under many shapes, and it may be brought about in many ways.  皈依能以不同的形态出现，也可以通过不同的途径实现。

　　With some men it needs a cataclysm¹³, as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent;  有一些人通过激变，有如愤怒的激流把石块一下子冲击成齑粉；

　　but with some it comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop of water.  另一些人则由于日积月累，好象不断的水滴，迟早要把石块磨穿。

　　Strickland had the directness of the fanatic¹⁴ and the ferocity of the apostle. 思特里克兰德有着盲信者的直截了当和使徒的狂热不羁。

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