月亮和六便士 第四十二章(3)

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Even I, in my colossal¹ ignorance, could not but feel that here, trying to express itself, was real power. 尽管我对他的技巧懵然无知，我还是感到他的作品有一种努力要表现自己的真正力量。

I was excited and interested. 我感到兴奋，也对这些画很感兴趣。

I felt that these pictures had something to say to me that was very important for me to know, but I could not tell what it was. 我觉得他的画好象要告诉我一件什么事，对我说来，了解这件事是非常重要的，但我又说不出来那究竟是什么。

They seemed to me ugly, but they suggested without disclosing a secret of momentous² significance. 这些画我觉得一点不美，但它们却暗示给我——是暗示而不是泄露——一个极端重要的秘密。

They were strangely tantalising. They gave me an emotion that I could not analyse. 这些画奇怪地逗弄着我。它们引起我一种我无法分析的感情。

They said something that words were powerless to utter. 它们诉说着一件语言无力表达的事。

I fancy that Strickland saw vaguely³ some spiritual meaning in material things that was so strange that he could only suggest it with halting symbols. 我猜想，思特里克兰德在有形的事物上模模糊糊地看到某种精神意义，这种意义非常奇异，他只能用很不完善的符号勉强把它表达出来。

It was as though he found in the chaos⁴ of the universe a new pattern, and were attempting clumsily, with anguish⁵ of soul, to set it down. 仿佛是他在宇宙的一片混乱中找到了一个新的图案，正在笨拙地把它描摹下来，因为力不从心，心灵非常痛苦。

I saw a tormented⁶ spirit striving for the release of expression. 我看到的是一个奋力寻求表现手段的备受折磨的灵魂。

I turned to him. "I wonder if you haven't mistaken your medium," I said. “我怀疑，你的手段是否选择对了。”我说。

"What the hell do you mean?" “你说的是什么意思？”

"I think you're trying to say something, I don't quite know what it is, but I'm not sure that the best way of saying it is by means of painting." “我想你是在努力表达些什么。虽然我不太清楚你想要表达的是什么，但我很怀疑，绘画对你说是不是最好的表达方法。”

When I imagined that on seeing his pictures I should get a clue to the understanding of his strange character I was mistaken. 我曾经幻想，看过他的图画以后，我也许多少能够了解一些他的奇怪的性格，现在我知道我的想法错了。

They merely increased the astonishment⁷ with which he filled me. 他的画只不过更增加了他已经在我心中引起的惊诧。

I was more at sea than ever. 我比没看画以前更加迷惘了。

The only thing that seemed clear to me—and perhaps even this was fanciful— 只有一件事我觉得我是清楚的——也许连这件事也是我的幻想——，

was that he was passionately⁸ striving for liberation from some power that held him. 那就是，他正竭尽全力想挣脱掉某种束缚着他的力量。

But what the power was and what line the liberation would take remained obscure. 但是这究竟是怎样一种力量，他又将如何寻求解脱，我一直弄不清楚。

Each one of us is alone in the world. 我们每个人生在世界上都是孤独的。

He is shut in a tower of brass⁹, and can communicate with his fellows only by signs, 每个人都被囚禁在一座铁塔里，只能靠一些符号同别人传达自己的思想；

and the signs have no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain. 而这些符号并没有共同的价值，因此它们的意义是模糊的、不确定的。

We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart, but they have not the power to accept them, 我们非常可怜地想把自己心中的财富传送给别人，但是他们却没有接受这些财富的能力。

and so we go lonely, side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown by them. 因此我们只能孤独地行走，尽管身体互相依傍却并不在一起，既不了解别的人也不能为别人所了解。

We are like people living in a country whose language they know so little that, 我们好像住在异国的人。对于这个国家的语言懂得非常少，

with all manner of beautiful and profound things to say, they are condemned¹⁰ to the banalities of the conversation manual. 虽然我们有各种美妙的、深奥的事情要说，却只能局限于会话手册上那几句陈腐、平庸的话。

Their brain is seething¹¹ with ideas, and they can only tell you that the umbrella of the gardener's aunt is in the house. 我们的脑子里充满了各种思想，而我们能说的只不过是象“园丁的姑母有一把伞在屋子里”这类话。

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