月亮和六便士 第四十二章(4)

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I fancied, must be sought the explanation of what so utterly² perplexed³ me. 我认为，要想解释他的作品为什么使我这样惶惑莫解，也必须从这一角度去寻找答案。

It was evident that colours and forms had a significance for Strickland that was peculiar⁴ to himself. 对于思特里克兰德，色彩和形式显然具有一种独特的意义。

He was under an intolerable necessity to convey something that he felt, and he created them with that intention alone. 他几乎无法忍受地感到必须把自己的某种感受传达给别人；这是他进行创作的唯一意图。

He did not hesitate to simplify or to distort if he could get nearer to that unknown thing he sought. 只要他觉得能够接近他追寻的事物，采用简单的线条也好，画得歪七扭八也好，他一点儿也不在乎。

Facts were nothing to him, for beneath the mass of irrelevant⁵ incidents he looked for something significant to himself. 他根本不考虑真实情况，因为他要在一堆互不相关的偶然的现象下面寻找他自己感到意义重大的事物。

It was as though he had become aware of the soul of the universe and were compelled to express it. 他好象已经抓到了宇宙的灵魂，一定要把它表现出来不可。

Though these pictures confused and puzzled me, I could not be unmoved by the emotion that was patent in them; 尽管这些画使我困惑、混乱，我却不能不被它们特有的热情所触动。

and, I knew not why, I felt in myself a feeling that with regard to Strickland was the last I had ever expected to experience. 我觉得看过这些画以后心里产生了一种感情，我绝没想到对思特里克兰德会有这样一种感情。

I felt an overwhelming compassion⁶. 我感到非常非常同情他。

"I think I know now why you surrendered to your feeling for Blanche Stroeve," I said to him. "Why?" “我想我现在懂得了，你为什么屈从于对勃朗什·施特略夫的感情了，”我对他说。“为什么？”

"I think your courage failed. “我想你失掉勇气了。

The weakness of your body communicated itself to your soul. 你肉体的软弱感染了你的灵魂。

I do not know what infinite yearning⁷ possesses you, 我不知道是怎样一种无限思慕之情把你攫在手中，

so that you are driven to a perilous⁸, lonely search for some goal where you expect to find a final release from the spirit that torments⁹ you. 逼着你走上一条危险的、孤独的道路，你一直在寻找一个地方，希望到达那里就可以使自己从那折磨着你的精灵手里解放出来。

I see you as the eternal pilgrim to some shrine¹⁰ that perhaps does not exist. 我觉得你很象一个终生跋涉的香客，不停地寻找一座可能根本不存在的神庙。

I do not know to what inscrutable Nirvana you aim. Do you know yourself? 我不知道你寻求的是什么不可思议的涅盘。你自己知道吗？

Perhaps it is Truth and Freedom that you seek, and for a moment you thought that you might find release in Love. 也许你寻找的是真理同自由，在一个短暂的时间里你认为或许能在爱情中获得解脱。

I think your tired soul sought rest in a woman's arms, and when you found no rest there you hated her. 我想，你的疲倦的灵魂可能期望在女人的怀抱里求得休憩，当你在那里没能找到的时候，你就开始恨她了。

You had no pity for her, because you have no pity for yourself. 你对她一点也不怜悯，因为你对自己就不怜悯。

And you killed her out of fear, because you trembled still at the danger you had barely escaped." 你把她杀死是因为惧怕，因为你还为你刚刚逃脱的危险而索索发抖呢。”

He smiled dryly and pulled his beard. 他揪着自己的胡子干笑了一下。

"You are a dreadful sentimentalist, my poor friend." “你真是个可怕的感伤主义者，可怜的朋友。”

A week later I heard by chance that Strickland had gone to Marseilles. I never saw him again. 一个星期以后，我偶然听说他已经到马赛去了。我再也没有看见过他。

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