月亮和六便士 第四十三章(2)

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whom the pressure of want or the desire for commercial success had made false to the genius of his youth, 这个老画家由于饥寒所迫，也可能是为了追逐虚名，糟蹋了自己青年时代所具有的天才，

and who, seeing in Strickland the possibilities which himself had wasted, influenced him to forsake¹ all and follow the divine tyranny of art. 他后来在思特里克兰德身上看到了自己虚掷的才华，他影响了思特里克兰德，叫他抛弃了人世间的荣华，献身于神圣的艺术。

I think there would have been something ironic² in the picture of the successful old man, rich and honoured, 我会着力描写一下这位成功的老人，又阔绰又有名望，

living in another the life which he, though knowing it was the better part, had not had the strength to pursue. 但是他知道这不是真正的生活，他自己所无力寻求的，他要在这个年轻人身上体验到；我想这种构思未尝没有讽刺意味。

The facts are much duller. 但是事实却远没有我想象的这么动人。

Strickland, a boy fresh from school, went into a broker's office without any feeling of distaste. 思特里克兰德一出校门就投身于一家经纪人的事务所，他对这种生活并没有什么反感。

Until he married he led the ordinary life of his fellows, 直到结婚，他过的就是从事这一行业的人那种平凡庸碌的生活，

gambling³ mildly on the Exchange, interested to the extent of a sovereign or two on the result of the Derby or the Oxford⁴ and Cambridge Race. 在交易所干几宗输赢不大的投机买卖，关注着达尔贝赛马或者牛津、剑桥比赛的结果，充其量不过一两镑钱的赌注。

I think he boxed a little in his spare time. 我猜想思特里克兰德在工作之余可能还练习练习击拳；

On his chimney-piece he had photographs of Mrs. Langtry and Mary Anderson. 壁炉架上摆着朗格瑞夫人（原名爱米丽·夏洛特·勒·布利顿（1852～1929），英国演员，以美貌着称，后嫁与爱德华·朗格瑞）同玛丽·安德逊（玛丽·安德逊（1859—1940），美国女演员）的照片；

He read Punch and the Sporting Times. He went to dances in Hampstead. 读的是《笨拙》杂志和《体育时代》；到汉普斯台德去参加舞会。

It matters less that for so long I should have lost sight of him. 有很长一段时间我没有再见到过他，这一点关系也没有。

The years during which he was struggling to acquire proficiency⁵ in a difficult art were monotonous⁶, 这些年间，他一直在努力奋斗，力图掌握一门极其困难的艺术，生活是非常单调的；

and I do not know that there was anything significant in the shifts to which he was put to earn enough money to keep him. 有时为了挣钱糊口，他不得不采取一些权宜的手段，我认为这也并没有什么值得大书特书的地方。

An account of them would be an account of the things he had seen happen to other people. 即使我能够把他这一段生活记载下来，也不过是他所见到的发生在别人身上的各种事件的记录。

I do not think they had any effect on his own character. 我不认为他在这一段时间内的经历对他自己的性格有任何影响。

He must have acquired experiences which would form abundant material for a picaresque novel of modern Paris, 如果要写一部以现代巴黎为背景的冒险小说，他倒可能积累了丰富的素材。

but he remained aloof⁷, and judging from his conversation there was nothing in those years that had made a particular impression on him. 但是他对周围的事物始终采取一种超然物外的态度；从他的谈话判断，这几年里面并没有发生任何给他留下特别印象的事。

Perhaps when he went to Paris he was too old to fall a victim to the glamour⁸ of his environment. 很可能在他去巴黎的时候，年纪已经太大，光怪陆离的环境对他已经没有引诱力了。

Strange as it may seem, he always appeared to me not only practical, but immensely matter-of-fact. 说来也许有些奇怪，我总觉得他这个人不仅非常实际，而且简直可以说是木头木脑的。

I suppose his life during this period was romantic, but he certainly saw no romance in it. 我想他这一段生活是很富于浪漫情调的，但是他自己却绝对没有看到任何浪漫的色彩。

It may be that in order to realise the romance of life you must have something of the actor in you; 或许一个人如果想体会到生活中的浪漫情调就必须在某种程度上是一个演员；

and, capable of standing⁹ outside yourself, you must be able to watch your actions with an interest at once detached and absorbed. 而要想跳出自身之外，则必须能够对自己的行动抱着一种既超然物外又沉浸于其中的兴趣。

But no one was more single-minded than Strickland. 但是思特里克兰德却是个心无二用的人，在这方面谁也比不上他。

I never knew anyone who was less self-conscious. 我不知道哪个人象他那样总是强烈地意识到自己的存在。

But it is unfortunate that I can give no description of the arduous¹⁰ steps by which he reached such mastery over his art as he ever acquired; 不幸的是，我无法描写他在取得艺术成就的艰苦征途上勤奋的脚步；

for if I could show him undaunted by failure, 因为，如果我能写一下他如何屡经失败毫不气馁，

by an unceasing effort of courage holding despair at bay, doggedly¹¹ persistent¹² in the face of self-doubt, which is the artist's bitterest enemy, 如何满怀勇气奋斗不息，从不悲观失望，如何在艺术家的劲敌——信心发生动摇的时刻，仍然不屈不挠地艰苦斗争，

I might excite some sympathy for a personality which, I am all too conscious, must appear singularly devoid¹³ of charm. 也许我能使读者对这样一个枯燥乏味的人物（这一点我是非常清楚的）产生一些同情。但是我却毫无事实根据进行一方面的描述。

But I have nothing to go on. I never once saw Strickland at work, nor do I know that anyone else did. 我从来没有看见过思特里克兰德工作的情形，而且我知道不只是我，任何其他人也都没有见过他如何绘画。

He kept the secret of his struggles to himself. 他的一部斗争史是他个人的秘密。

If in the loneliness of his studio he wrestled¹⁴ desperately¹⁵ with the Angel of the Lord he never allowed a soul to divine his anguish¹⁶. 如果在他独处于画室中曾经同上帝的天使进行过剧烈的搏斗，他是从来没让任何人了解到他的痛苦的。

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