第567期:男人爱上女人的过程, 其实和女人的颜值无关

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Reddit上有个女生的提问： “妹子们，你们是怎么处理’长得不好看’这件事的？”

不少女生引用名言，如：“美丽不是我的责任。这不是我活着的意义。我不是为了诱惑人才被生出来的。”，也有人回复说自信不应该建立在外表之上，或是诸如此类的我们都很熟悉的话。但是，重点来了。

俗话说，女为悦己者容，女生长的好看，除了给自己看增强信心外，很重要的一点就是可以成功获取异性的注意。有个人的留言并没有说美貌在和爱情中扮演的角色。而是很细致的说出了一个男人爱上一个女人的全部过程，可谓非常精彩。

相信这位对外貌不自信的女孩看到他的留言后，会更加客观看待自己，真实接受自己。毕竟，人无完人，但是每个人都有可能收获属于自己的爱情，而这与外貌则没有特别直接的关系。

New Words:

mesh¹ vt. （使） 吻合; 相配，匹配;

earlobe n. 耳垂;

belly-laugh 纵情大笑; 哈哈大笑;

filter n. 滤光器; 滤色镜;

participatory adj. 供人分享的;

sublime² adj. 庄严的；令人崇敬的；极

frumpy adj. 单调乏味的; 衣着邋遢的

Sometimes, a guy will meet a girl and think nothing of it. Maybe she's a co-worker, classmate, or his buddy's friend. She gets mentally categorized as "Female, acquaintance, feelings neutral". Then, he gets to know her better. If they mesh personality-wise, something fascinating happens in the man's mind. He starts to notice things about her appearance - pleasant things. It starts small, one day he realizes he likes looking at the curve of her nose, or where her earlobe meets her face.

有时候，一个男生遇到一个女生，他心里没有一丝波动，她有可能是同事，同学，或者是哥们的朋友。在他心里，她们被归为“女性，熟人，不喜欢不讨厌”那一类。然后，他开始进一步了解她，如果他俩个性的齿轮刚好完美的卡在了一起。在男人脑中，神奇的事情发生了。他开始注意那个女生的外表，各种令人愉悦的小事。从很细微处开始，有一天，他发现自己特别喜欢看她鼻子的线条，或者她耳垂和脸部的交界处。

It's nothing he can put his finger on or describe, really...just that looking at that part of her makes him feel good. He starts wanting to do that more. Then, he notices an expression she makes - could be her genuine belly-laugh, or the way she furrows⁴ her brow in concern - and he gets a little flutter in his chest.

这种感觉难以解释，也难以形容。男人只知道，看着她的这个部分，让他感觉特别开心。

他想要更多这样的快乐。他开始注意到她的表情，有可能是她的捧腹大笑，有可能是她焦虑时紧皱的眉头。他感觉他的心要融化了。

They stay friendly for a while, get to know each other better.

Then, one day, she hugs him goodbye....and he can't stop thinking about it. He plays it over and over in his head - the feel of her breasts through two shirts, her arms around his back, her smell...he finds these little mental movies of her playing unbidden when he's driving somewhere, squeezing out his other usual daydreams⁵.

他们做了一段时间的朋友，更进一步了解了对方。然后有一天，他们分开时互相拥抱。她离开后，他脑子里还是一遍一遍得回想着刚才的那个拥抱。开车出去时，脑子里出现的不再是从前的白日梦，全是她的身影，脑子里不由自主的搭建起一幕幕关于她的各种片段。

Shortly thereafter, the guy realizes that whenever he looks at this woman, he feels good. He likes her lines, her curves, her sounds and smells...It's like she's gradually turned from a black-and-white photo into a 3D color movie with surround-sound - a perfect movie that makes him feel good.

很快，这个男人发现，只要自己看一眼这个女人，他就感觉特别美妙。他喜欢她的曲线，她的声音，她的味道…她渐渐从一张黑白照片变成一个带有环绕立体声的3D彩色电影，一部能让他快乐的完美电影。

He starts wondering what he can do to keep her around, to make her happy. He realizes that he likes looking at her more than any other human being in this world. To him, she is perfect and beautiful.

他开始思考，怎么才能让她留在自己身边，怎么才能让她开心。他意识到，他喜欢看着她，胜过地球上的其他所有人。对他来说，她是完美的，美丽的。

A man in love with a woman doesn't see her objectively. There is a filter there, or some kind of participatory illusion. He does not see who you see in the mirror. He is seeing someone beautiful and perfect and sublime, and it's one of the most powerful things in his life.

当一个男人爱上一个女人，中间会有一层滤镜。他看到的她，不是镜子中的她。而是一个美丽、完美、崇高的女人。这是他人生中感受到的强度最大的感觉之一。

Go watch a happy old couple that's been married for decades. Watch the man's eyes. Sure, he may appreciate some young woman's ass³ in yoga pants or whatever...but watch his eyes when he's looking at his spouse⁶. If you're paying close enough attention, you can almost see the filter click on when his gaze settles on her. In that moment, he's not seeing the same frumpy empty-nester that you or I see - he's seeing something wonderful.

去看看那些结婚几十年的老夫妻，看看那个男人的眼神。当然，他可能依然会欣赏那些瑜伽裤里的完美臀型。但你看看他看老伴时的眼神。如果你观察的够仔细，也许你可以从他的眼神中观察到滤镜的开启。在那个时刻，他看到不是我们看到的衣着邋遢的空巢老人。他看到的是无比美好的事物。

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