精美英文欣赏:"猫狗"政治论(下)

（单词翻译）

If any other cat has more food in its bowl, then any self-respecting cat will resent you for not intervening on its behalf. Cats are a bit conservative by nature, but will eventually move house if they think they can get a better deal.

如果其他猫的碗里有更多的事物，任何一个有自尊心的猫将会讨厌你没有代表它去处理食物分配不均。猫们天性保守，但是如果意识到会给自己带来更大利益的时候，它们会最终离开原来的地盘。

Cats are convinced that they are smarter than you are. They are always quick to offer you policy advice. Cats don't like being yelled at. They expect to be reasoned with or bribed¹.

猫们坚信它们比你更聪明。他们总能给你提供政治建议。猫不喜欢被人大声吼叫。他们喜欢被说服或者被讨好。

Every cat has its own agenda and they expect to deal with you as an individual. Cats like to be consulted—it shows that you respect them.

每只猫都有自己的安排，他们期望把你作为个体来处理。猫们喜欢你找他们商议，因为这样做表明你很尊重他们。

The key to being a leader of cats is to appeal to their vanity and self interest. Always tell your cats how wonderful they are. If they start a campaign to save old forests then you should convert to environmentalism at once. Humor them when they bury their shit in an effort to convince you it doesn't stink².

成为猫们的领导最重要的一点是满足他们的虚荣心和个人利益。对猫们要不停地夸赞。如果他们想保护古老的森林，那么你应该把这件事上升到环保主义的高度。如果他们把便便埋起来，证明这样做不会有臭味，你应对此迁就附和一下。

And always make sure that their houses rise in value and that their interest rates are low. Under no circumstances should you bark at them. While dogs need to believe that you are one of the pack, cats don't care how you live.

要确保的是他们的房子在增值而他们的利率是低的。在任何情况下你都不应该对他们吼叫。虽然狗们需要相信你是群体里的一员，但是猫们却不关心你的生存方式。

A cat's mind their own business and will only bother you when they're bored or at election time when they'll hover³ around the refrigerator clawing at your legs. If food doesn't appear on demand, a hungry cat is likely to go pleasing someone else. It's your choice.

猫只会关心自己的事情，只有当他们觉得无聊的时候，比如选举的时候，才会在冰箱前用爪子挠你的腿。如果要求的食物没有即使出现，一只饥饿的猫可能会去取悦另一个人。这是你的选择。

So by now you're probably wondering whether you have to choose. Is it possible to have both cats and dogs? Yes. In fact, you can't win an election without keeping a few of both groups.

说到这里，也许你正在思考自己是否不得不去选择。会不会你同时要领导猫们和狗们呢？是的，事实上，没有他们共同的力量，你不会在选举中获胜。

Perhaps the best strategy is to keep your dogs happy with plenty of barking, chasing, and chewing while saving the big bribes⁴ for the cats.

也许最好的策略是让狗们快乐地吠叫，追逐和咀嚼的同时，保证给猫们个人利益。