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我很幸运有开朗的性格,会享受这个世界的快乐。对于日常生活,我想说:世界每时每刻都在变化。我不希望生活充斥着物质追求;另一方面,我也不愿盲目否定自我以期待神赐喜悦的来临。一天的快乐一天当就够了。
Escape the Dark Destructive Force
by Robert Hillyer
“I feel the coming glory of the light.” This last line of Edwin Arlington Robinson’s sonnet1 “Credo” expresses the general basis of my belief. It is my task to clear away the debris2 of dead emotions, regrets, and petty ambitions that the quickening light may come through. The five senses and the mystery of the breath draw in the wonder of the world, and with that the glory of God. I may seldom rise to moments of exaltation, but I try to keep myself prepared for them. Thus, I oppose the desire for oblivion that gnaws3 at our roots even as the light is summoning us to bloom.
The desire for oblivion conspires4 against the soul from outer circumstances and also from within oneself. Its agents are worry and resentment5, envy and show. Its impulse is to seek things that are equally disappointing whether they are missed or acquired. Its result is an abject6 conviction that everything is futile7. By meditation8 and prayer, I can escape that dark, destructive force and win my way back to the beauties of the world and the joy of God.
I believe in my survival after death. Like many others before me, I have experienced “intimations of immortality9.” I can no more explain these than the brown seed can explain the flowering tree. Deep in the soil in time’s midwinter, my very stirring and unease seems a kind of growing pain toward June.
As to orthodox belief, I am an Episcopalian, like my family before me. I can repeat the Creed10 without asking too much margin11 for personal interpretation12. To me it is a pattern, like the sonnet form in poetry, for the compact expression of faith. There are other patterns for other people, and I have no quarrel with these. By many paths we reach the single goal.
I believe in the good intentions of others, and I trust people instinctively13. My trust has often been betrayed in petty ways, and once or twice gravely. I cannot stop trusting people, because suspicion is contrary to my nature. Nor would I, because the number of people who have justified14 my trust are ten to one to those who have abused it. And I know that on occasion I have myself, perhaps inadvertently, failed to live up to some trust reposed15 in me.
That the universe has a purposeful movement toward spiritual perfection seems to me logical, unless we are all cells in the brain of an idiot. A belief in spiritual as well as physical evolution has sustained me in an optimism still unshaken by cynics. There may be setbacks of a century or even centuries, but they seem small reverses when measured against the vast prospect16 of human progress or even the record of it up to this point.
I am blessed with a buoyant temperament17 and enjoy the pleasures of this earth. For daily living, I would say: one world at a time. I do not wish my life to be cluttered18 with material things; on the other hand, I do not wish to anticipate, by fanatical self-denial, the raptures19 to come. Sufficient unto the day is the good thereof.
罗伯特.希利尔
“我感到光明将至的荣耀”是埃德温.阿林顿.罗宾逊的十四行诗《信条》中的最后一行,概括了我的基本信仰。我的任务便是清除死去的情感、悔恨和卑鄙欲望的残骸,迎接加速前进的光明。五种感官和神秘的气息感受这奇妙的世界,并随之沐浴上帝的荣光。我很少有欣喜若狂的时候,但仍努力准备迎接这一时刻的来临。因此,我反对弃世逃遁,这种想法即使在上帝的荣光召唤我们大显身手时也在内心深处噬咬着我们。
弃世逃遁的想法无论是受外来的影响还是来自我们自身都不利于我们的灵魂。其诱因为焦虑、怨恨、嫉妒和矫饰;其促成因素是寻求无论失去还是得到都同样令人失望的东西;其后果是产生一种怯懦的想法,认为一切均是徒劳。在冥思与祈祷中,我可以避开这种罪恶的破坏力,重新回到美丽的世界,重享上帝给我的喜乐。
我相信自己可以死而复生。像许多我的前辈一样,我经历过“不朽的暗示”。这种体验,只有一粒褐色的种子成长为一棵鲜花盛开的大树的经历才能解释清楚:隆冬时节深深埋在泥土里,极度的刺激和焦虑恰似一种生长的痛苦,持续到六月。
说到正统信仰,和父辈一样,我是一名圣公会教徒,可以重复教条的教义而不太走样。在我看来,这些教条的精义是一种模式,如同诗歌中十四行诗的形式,以凝练的方式表达信仰。他人有另外的模式,我对此无异议,因为“我们殊途同归”。
我相信他人的善意,并且本能地信任人。尽管信任的人常常背叛我,让我十分不快,有一两次他们非常卑鄙地背叛了我,我仍然相信人,因为怀疑不是我的天性,我也不愿意这样。毕竟值得我信任与辜负我信任的人数目之比为10:1,并且我知道,也许在无意之中,我自己也辜负了别人对我的信任。
世界朝着精神完美的目标行进,这一观点在我看来是符合逻辑的,否则我们都成了白痴的脑细胞。精神和肉体都在进化,这一信仰使我十分乐观,愤世嫉俗者也没有动摇这种乐观主义。也许在一个世纪甚至几个世纪里会出现挫折,但与人类进步的远大前程或与人类发展至今的历史相比,这些挫折不过是小小的失败。
我很幸运有开朗的性格,会享受这个世界的快乐。对于日常生活,我想说:世界每时每刻都在变化。我不希望生活充斥着物质追求;另一方面,我也不愿盲目否定自我以期待神赐喜悦的来临。一天的快乐一天当就够了。
1 sonnet | |
n.十四行诗 | |
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2 debris | |
n.瓦砾堆,废墟,碎片 | |
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3 gnaws | |
咬( gnaw的第三人称单数 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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4 conspires | |
密谋( conspire的第三人称单数 ); 搞阴谋; (事件等)巧合; 共同导致 | |
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5 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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6 abject | |
adj.极可怜的,卑屈的 | |
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7 futile | |
adj.无效的,无用的,无希望的 | |
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8 meditation | |
n.熟虑,(尤指宗教的)默想,沉思,(pl.)冥想录 | |
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9 immortality | |
n.不死,不朽 | |
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10 creed | |
n.信条;信念,纲领 | |
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11 margin | |
n.页边空白;差额;余地,余裕;边,边缘 | |
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12 interpretation | |
n.解释,说明,描述;艺术处理 | |
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13 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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14 justified | |
a.正当的,有理的 | |
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15 reposed | |
v.将(手臂等)靠在某人(某物)上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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16 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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17 temperament | |
n.气质,性格,性情 | |
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18 cluttered | |
v.杂物,零乱的东西零乱vt.( clutter的过去式和过去分词 );乱糟糟地堆满,把…弄得很乱;(以…) 塞满… | |
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19 raptures | |
极度欢喜( rapture的名词复数 ) | |
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