访谈录 2011-03-08&03-10 乔尔.麦克海尔专访

（单词翻译）

Hey Joel, Hey.

I’m glad he is not here.

No, Hey, See, I, I haven’t seen you since the Christmas party in my house.

Yes. The fantastic Christmas party, fantastic food.

Yeah, I would really like you to bring that ornament¹ back. And by that ornament, I mean Don Rickles.

Yes. Don Rickles came to his birthday party.

Was that awesome²? Don Rickles was at my party in my house.

And he insulted you the moment he walked in.

##$@, he said, is this you house? Here’s five dollars. Get a proper house.

Yeah. It was… I couldn’t believe it. It was like having Santa Claus of comedy there.

Yeah, I know. Except, you know the whole time, he really insulted me, the whole time. He’s awesome. I mean, being insulted by him is like, you know, get a kiss from someone very nice.

Oh. That is a terrible analogy.

Really?! I thought it was just a very accurate analogy that has no committed value, but thanks for pointing out.

It was just vague.

Well, it’s not vague. It was very precise!

No, it’s like the phrase, you know, like between secretary in Iraq and a hot place.

You’ve changed, man!

How would I?

You’ve changed! Since you got the sitcom³, and then you host in the big award show for the movie people. You’ve changed! You used to be a dude. Now you one of them, Hollywood racket dinger.

I could say…

I’m telling you man! You used to be the guy. Now, look at you, oh, where is my stylist?

I’m not gonna…Okay, you are right. I’m not gonna deny that I’ve become more awesome since you guys see me. I don’t deny that. But I would say that…YEAH! But I would say…

Hoisted⁴ by your own retard⁵!

Thank you! Lisa Lu…what’s her name please?

They are married though…

Lauren Lu…No that…But I think you’ve changed a lot too.

No way man! I’m still one of the people.

You got nominated, now you are nominated for an Oscar.

Am I?

Yeah!

But for talk show?

No! For How to…

And the crappiest talk show is…

What the…no, it’s How to Train Your Dragon…

Yeah! It’s an animated⁶ movie. I just did the voice. It’s them who’ll get the Oscar. I’ll just be get to go “ahhaa”.

No, and you also were Grammy nominated.

Yeah. Didn’t win though.

Well. I admit it wasn’t very good.

No, it wasn’t.

I mean, you write your book a lot. There were a lot of misspellings and grammar errors.

You know what is weird⁷ when they say well done, you know, you read your book a lot. Well, yeah, I know what’s in it. You should write a book about your experiences with show business people.

Oh, it would be so bad.

Yeah, it would be awesome.

I, I can’t write a…You can sit down and just write word after word after word. I…my chapter would be “when I was a kid”, then I would say, I’m gonna take a break to play video games. It will just be a lot breaks.

A lot of people would identify with that, Jeol.

But there would be nothing on the page. It would just be like…

Just print some pictures, and say, here is me with regis, you will be fine.

How many books have you written?

Two.

You’ve written two books. I have barely read two. Are you gave me your book? I haven’t read.

I couldn’t sell.

Yeah.

You didn’t read the book that I gave you…

Well, and you kept going like pushing a toilet room.

And you can give me a Grammy.

If you are put in a form of video game, then I would…

Oh, no, I can’t do it video…

Who did you lose to?

Er…Jon Stewart. Everybody loses to Jon Stewart. Yeah, I know.

I’m sorry, he was pretty great.

He’s awesome.

Know his book?

I don’t know, I never read it.

Oh…sorry.

Did you read it?

No I haven’t. I haven’t like your book.

Well, hey, you’ve got…

The whole is like, and it sits there…

Tell me about the award show you host.

Oh, the Independent Spirit Awards

Oh really?

For independent film. Films which make no money

No money.

Yes. Yeah, that’s on Saturday. You’ve hosted things like this before?

No. I did the people’s choice once, …never again. Oh, I hate...I hate host this stuff. I HAAATE IT! I hate it!

You have your own show that you host everyday.

Yeah. That’s different. Here is fine. I don’t have to give awards to douches. I just, I just, you know, I’m just here.

Yeah.