2005年NPR美国国家公共电台八月-A Mother's Duty: Preparing Boys for Girls

（单词翻译）

Commentator¹ Gwen Macsai is the mother of 2 boys and she has no idea how to prepare her sons for the craziness of girls.

My sons have a total of 4 emotional gears: happy, sad, mad and hungry. My daughter’s emotional landscape, on the other hand, is like a tempest. She’s been this way since she was 4 and I have been this way all my life, so by now I’m pretty much used to the mine field that needs to be gingerly navigated² 300 times a day. But now they’re getting older and as I watch the boys blow milk out of their nose, laughing at fart sounds while their sister's upstairs reenacting King Lear at the Globe, I wonder how do I prepare the happy-sad-mad-hungries for the diary-writing, drama-queening, secret-sharing, party-planning, friendship-analyzing³, phone-mongering psychological tsunamis⁴ that await them. And I can tell you I have no idea.

If you were walking into a black hole, a vacuum and an abyss you'd have a better idea what to expect than these poor innocents do as they toddle⁵ off on the road to adolescence⁶. They are like so many Mr. Magus completely blind to the maelstrom⁷ of X chromosomes⁸ that are gonna run circles, laps, tornados⁹ around them. In the hall, they'll be saying "hi" to a girl in passing. In a nook, in a doorway¹⁰, in a sub hall of the hall, the girl and her friends will be analyzing the "hi" for tone, pitch, timbre¹¹, level of enthusiasm, accompanying smile, the lack thereof demeanor¹², head movement, neck direction, gaits, swagger and of course, sincerity¹³.

In class, he will be assigned a science project with a group of students that will include a girl. At a sleepover, the girl and her friends will consult a weegie board, Tarot cards, an apple stem, dandelion fluff, horoscopes, Cosmo quizzes, older sisters and possibly, even the Almighty¹⁴ herself as to the site of their first kiss, the design of her wedding dress, the names of their kids and the kind of glasses he would look best in.

On the phone he will call a girl to get a missed homework assignment. In the cafeteria, he will suddenly have seats reserved for him and stormy backroom tears when he doesn't even see that there's an empty chair achingly waiting for him that bears an invisible sign with his name on it.

I really have no idea how to prepare them for the mind reading that will be expected of them. The Freud-like analysis of the relationship, the feigned¹⁵ enthusiasm over new purchases, the level of cleanliness, the likes of which they've never even dreamed of. You may as well come away with a doctor or a degree of some kind for all the preparations this can take.

But maybe this isn't something you can really prepare for, this careful merging¹⁶ of the gangly and gawky on the overcrowded rush-hour, preppy laden¹⁷ highway. You just have to have a few fender benders of your own. And in the meantime, I'll just be relegated¹⁸ to the passenger seat like a road test administrator¹⁹ at the DMV, able to see head-on collisions long before they happen and completely unable to do anything about it. So go forth²⁰, my little happy-sad-mad-hungries, venture, travel, trek²¹, globe trot²². I may not be able to guarantee that you'll be prepared for every part of the nail-biting, confidence-grinding, psyche-smashing journey. But, you know, if you always knew where you were going, what fun would the trip be?
Gwen Macsai hones her child rearing skills in Evanston, Illinois.
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mine field: 地雷区，水雷区
King Lear at the Globe: King Lear, 《李尔王》；the Globe, 莎士比亚时代伦敦著名剧场，是《李尔王》最初上演的地方。
black hole: 宇宙黑洞
maelstrom：大漩涡
X chromosomes: Ｘ染色体与Ｙ染色体属于性染色体，女性有两条Ｘ染色体，男性有一条Ｘ染色体和一条Ｙ染色体。
sleepover: an overnight stay (as at another's home)
fender bender :撞弯保险杠的车祸, 意为小擦撞事故
DMV: Department of Motor Vehicles
globe trot: travel all over the world for pleasure and sightseeing.
hone: 磨砺，训练