人物:逃离山达基(3)

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Though she says she wasn't attracted to him, they got along well and wed¹ in 1994. 虽然她说她不喜欢他，但他们相处得很好，并于1994年结婚。

She began working as a regional manager at a non-Scientology-run life-insurance company, but even as her career took off and the couple had children, her marriage was foundering². 她开始在一家非山达基教徒经营的人寿保险公司担任区域经理，但就在她的事业起步并有了孩子的时候，她的婚姻却在走下坡路。

Sean became increasingly aggressive and confrontational³. Our arguments were mostly about money and sex. 肖恩变得越来越好斗，喜欢与人作对。我们的争论主要是关于金钱和性。

He called me vile⁴ names: F---ing liar⁵! Suppressive. B--ch. He threw things at me—pillows, keys. 他骂我卑鄙无耻：该死的骗子！强势！婊子！他朝我扔东西——枕头、钥匙。

But this good little Scientologist couldn't let anyone know how bad I was feeling. 但这位善良的山达基小教徒却不能让任何人知道我的感受有多糟糕。

I knew what my mom would say—what every Scientologist would say: "There are no such things as problems, just situations and solutions." 我知道我妈妈会说什么——每一个山达基教徒都会说：“没有问题，只有情况和解决方案。”

What are you withholding⁷ from Sean, Michelle? What have you done to cause this? 米歇尔，你对肖恩隐瞒了什么？你做了什么造成今天这个局面？

After running into the high school girlfriend with whom she'd had a dalliance, she confessed her past attraction to Seward, who reported it to the church. 在遇到和她有过一段风流韵事的高中女友后，她向苏厄德坦白了过去对她的爱慕之情，苏厄德向教会报告了这件事。

I was ordered to walk the halls of the Scientology Celebrity⁸ Centre in Hollywood asking random⁹ members to read and sign my confession¹⁰. 我奉命在好莱坞山达基名人中心的大厅里来回走动，随机邀请成员阅读我的供词并签名。

I needed twenty-five signatures to be allowed to rejoin the church. 我需要25个签名才能重新加入教会。

I was so mortified¹¹ that, after ten or fifteen requests, I ran to the bathroom and sobbed¹². 我非常羞愧，在十到十五次请求之后，我跑到洗手间哭泣。

Her career, meanwhile, was reaching ever-greater heights: She became a top manager and producer at another life-insurance firm and was soon making "more money than I could spend." 与此同时，她的事业也达到了前所未有的高度：她成为了另一家人寿保险公司的高级经理兼执行人，很快就赚到了“我花不完的钱”。

She donated large sums to the church (she estimates a total of $5 million) and was asked to head the church's foundation promoting the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. 她向教会捐了一大笔钱(她估计总共捐了500万美元)，并受邀请领导教会的基金会，推广联合国世界人权宣言。

The church finally agreed to let her divorce Seward, but only, she says, after she threatened to withhold⁶ donations. 教会最终同意让她与苏厄德离婚，但也是在她威胁撤资之后。

Yet she remained committed to Scientology—until she struck up a friendship with an L.A. music producer named Tena Clark ("Charley" in the book). 然而，她仍然忠于山达基——直到她和洛杉矶的一位名叫特纳·克拉克(Tena Clark)的音乐制作人(书中的“查理”)成为朋友。

My friendship with her began to break down some of my beliefs. 我和她的友谊开始打破我的一些信仰。

The idea that the church would deny me a friendship with such a sterling¹³ person simply because she wasn't heterosexual or a Scientologist seemed ludicrous to me. 当时认为教会会因为她不是异性恋或山达基教教徒，不允许我与这个优秀的人建立友谊，那个想法在我看来很可笑。

Gradually, the friendship blossomed into something more. She and Charley exchanged their first kiss while sitting in LeClair's car one day. 渐渐地，友谊发展出了别样的东西。一天，两个人坐在勒克莱尔的车里，交换了她们的初吻。

It was the most passionate¹⁴, loving kiss I had ever experienced. I reached up and touched my lips. It was as though they had been awakened¹⁵. 这是我经历过的最热烈、最深情的一吻。我伸手摸了摸嘴唇。它们好像被唤醒了。

I talked myself into believing that, because I was a top donor¹⁶, my relationship with a woman would be tolerated, or at least ignored. 我说服自己相信，因为我是最大的捐赠者，我和一个女人恋爱会受到原谅，或者至少被忽视。

I couldn't have been more mistaken. My Scientology mentor¹⁷ outed me to the church Ethics¹⁸ Department. She decided¹⁹ to leave the church. 我大错特错了。我的山达基教导师让我去了教会道德系。她决定离开教会。

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