《柯南脱口秀》第14期:跟谈恋爱一样

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I am trying to decide whether I want to be single or in a relationship¹. 我想决定我是想单身还是谈恋爱

Now,when you're single,it's a lot like being² unemployed³. 当你单身的时候 就跟没工作差不多

you say you want a job,but really,you just want money. 你说你想要一份工作 但实际上 你只是想要钱

Because two weeks into the job you're like ah,that's right. 因为上了两个星期的班 你就会说 对

I hate working.Exactly the same in a relationship. 我讨厌工作 就跟谈恋爱一样

Two weeks in you're like ah,that's right.I hate people. 谈了两周恋爱 你就会说 对 我讨厌人们

But I'm really lucky because I have this voice in my head 但我真的很走运 因为我的头脑里有一个声音

which keeps me very accountable so if I see a beautiful woman in the street 让我很有责任心 如果我在大街上看到一个美女

and I'm like ah,I would do anything to be with her,then the voice kicks in.It's like really? 我想说 只要能跟她在一起 我愿意做任何事 脑海里的声音说 真的吗

What would you do? Would you go to the gym? Would you get a job? No,you wouldn't,would you? 你会做什么事 你会去健身房吗 你会找工作吗 你不会 对吧

See why you're not with her? Yeah,that's pretty clear.Than you,inner voice. 知道你为什么没跟她在一起了吗 对 很明显 谢谢你 头脑里的声音

I guess if the woman said listen,if you go to the gym and get a job,I will go out with you. 我想如果那个女人说 听着 如果你去健身房 找份工作 我就跟你约会

Then I'd probably work towards it,as a goal⁴.But I just refuse to do it on speck⁵. 那我也许就会以此为目标 但我拒绝冒险

I'm not walking around all fit with a great job just in case. 我不会身材很好 还有工作地到处瞎逛 仅仅是为了有备无患

 

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