欧美人文风情第269篇:超酸诚实咖啡广告

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This morning just wasn't complete until your first cup of coffee, right? 这早晨不到你喝下第一杯咖啡就不算完整，对吧？

Yeah, there's nothing quite like a steaming cup full of an addictive¹ drug in the morning. 是呀，没有什么比得上早晨来一整杯热呼呼让人上瘾的毒品。

I'm Roger. And I'd love to tell you about Horton brand warm, addictive brown stuff. 我是 Roger。而我很乐意和你谈谈霍顿牌那温暖、使人上瘾的咖啡色物体。

Please enjoy this footage of velvety² smooth beans, 请享受这天鹅绒般光滑的豆子的画面，

followed by a well-shot close-up of a hot brown liquidthat's brewed³ by mixing heated water with the roasted, 紧接着是一个滚烫棕色液体的超美特写，由热水混合烘烤过且捣碎的开花灌木种子冲煮而成，

smashed-up seeds of a flowering shrub⁴ native to Southern Africa and Tropical Asia. 原产于南部非洲和热带亚洲。

I only showed you that to remind you, you desperately⁵ need your fix. How could you forget? 我给你看那不过是要提醒你，你亟需满足你的瘾头。你怎能忘记？

You see, these small brown seedsare a naturally occurring source of the world's most widely consumed central nervous system stimulant⁶—caffeine. 你瞧，这些咖啡色小种子是世界上最广泛被摄取的中枢神经系统兴奋剂的天然来源－－也就是咖啡因。

While most brain-altering substances are outlawed⁷ or at least tightly controlled by the government, 尽管大部分会改变精神状态的物质都被法律禁止或至少受到政府严密管控，

this entirely⁸ legal psychoactive drug is enjoyed by basically every person you know, 这一个完全合法的精神药物却基本上被每个你认识的人享用着，

on a daily basis, completely unrestricted, and with zero cultural stigma⁹. 每一天、完全不受限，且完全没有文化污名。

In fact, it's openly celebrated¹⁰ by your friends, family, and morning television personalities¹¹! 事实上，它被你的朋友、家人和早晨电视名人们公开地赞扬着!

Smells so good. I can't wait to add flavors and sweetener to distract from the natural flavor of this thing I claim to love and not be addicted¹² to. 闻起来真香!我等不及要添加香料跟甜味剂，这样就喝不到这个我宣称热爱又没上瘾的饮品的天然风味。

I do like it! It's just that...two sugars and that hazelnut creamer make it—I'm not addicted to... 我真的喜欢它!只是...两颗糖和那榛果奶精让它－－我没有上瘾...

Junkies like him keep me, a harvester of brown seeds, in business. 像他一样的瘾君子让身为咖啡色种子采收者的我有生意上门。

But not just me—also me, a distributor of overpriced addictive sludge. 但不只是我－－还有我，一个提供订价过高、使人成瘾的烂泥的人。

It also comes in pumpkin¹³ flavored, if you'd prefer that to the wet-cigar, boiled-asphalt flavor that occurs naturally. I do! 这还有南瓜口味喔，如果比起像湿雪茄和煮沸沥青的原味，你更喜欢南瓜口味的话。我喜欢!

Great! That'll be 11 dollars and...here's a cup with your name just butchered on it 好极了!那总共是十一美元，还有...这里是一个被胡乱写上你的名字的杯子，

to prove that you will let literally¹⁴ anyone treat you literally however they want 证明你真的会让任何人随意对待你，

as long as they're handing you a cup of the chemical reward of an unregulated psychoactive drug. 只要他们递给你一杯不受管制的精神药物所带来的化学反馈。

Enjoy your drug disguised as a universally celebrated touchstone of human culture, Randor. 享受你那被伪装成全世界颂扬的人类文化标竿的毒药吧，Randor。

Randor? That's not even a name! I didn't even try. Randor？那甚至不是一个名字!我连试着拼出来都没有。

Now, I understand that you wouldn't want to associate that chemical reward with the knowledge that 现在，我了解你不会想要把咖啡带来的化学反馈和这种事连结在一起，

people with far less money than you are severely¹⁵ underpaid to grow and harvest these bitter, drug-laden seeds. 赚的钱比你少许多的人正被低价剥削来种植和采收这些又苦又满是毒品的种子。

So I'd like to show you some more footage, this time of a hardworking, happy-looking person in Ethiopia, 所以我想要再给你看看更多画面，这次是一位勤奋、满脸喜悦的人，他在衣索比亚，

or Guatemala, somewhere hot—it doesn't really matter. 或危地马拉，某个很热的地方－－其实不太重要。

I'm also going to say some words that, combined with these images, should make you feel better. 我也要来说一些词，结合这些影像，那应该会让你觉得好受点。

Organic. Cooperative. Sustainable. Ethical¹⁶...um...ethics¹⁷. 有机。协同合作。永续发展。合乎道德的...呃...道德。

I could bore you with the details and complexities¹⁸ of the international commodities market, 我可以用国际商品市场的细节和繁琐事物让你感到厌烦，

or I could just say, "Hey, look! This burlap bag of beans has 'Fair Trade' stamped on it." 或者我可以就说：「嘿，你看!这袋粗麻布袋的豆子上面印有『公平贸易』耶。」

That's good...right? Sure! Or at any rate, it lets you plausibly¹⁹ deny that your happiness fix relies on somebody else's misery²⁰. 那很好呀...是吧？当然!或至少，它让你貌似合理地否认你的快乐泉源是建立在别人的痛苦之上。

Now the only thing that'll keep you up at night is the central nervous system stimulant you consume on a daily basis 现在唯一会让你夜晚失眠的东西，只有你每天摄取的中枢神经系统兴奋剂，

via this mix of heated water and roasted, smashed-up seeds. 透过这杯热水与烘烤过且捣碎的种子的混和物。

Why are you doing this  Why are you telling us this?! 你为什么要这么做？你为什么要告诉我们这个？!

You're really cranky when you haven't had your coffee, you know that? 你还没喝咖啡时真的很暴躁不安耶，你知道吗？

There you go...a nice warm cup of your personality. Drink it up! I'm Roger, by the way. 就是这样...极棒又温暖的一杯人品。干杯吧!顺道一提，我是 Roger。

 

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