访谈录 2009-04-22&04-24【洋葱新闻】Steel Hawk公司召

（单词翻译）

The nation's leading manufacturer of ammunition¹ Steel Hawk² Incorporated announced a massive recall today of jacketed hollow point bullets which may not properly shred³ the internal organs of victims. When functioning normally, the tip of a hollow point bullet shatters into fragments, then cuts a wide and jagged path through the tissue and bone of its target. But due to a factory error, nearly 100,000 bullets with solid points were shipped to retail⁴ stores resulting in a greatly reduced capability⁵ to explode flesh. Steel Hawk CEO John Cullen announced the recall at the press conference this morning.

"At Steel Hawk, nothing is more important to us than the complete satisfaction of our customers when they maim⁶ or kill. Some of these defective⁷ bullets can leave an exit wound as small as a plum. That is unacceptable."

According to information released by Steel Hawk, the first notice about the defective bullets came from a man who shot and killed his brother during an altercation⁸ at a county fair and was disappointed that the victim's face remained, "more or less intact”. Frank Ehrman was among the hundreds of other dissatisfied customers.

"You know, you spend good money for a hollow point bullet. You expect it to explode the head in a geyser of blood and brains. You know if I wanted to kill someone without destroying the body, I’d use a hammer."

To address complaints like these, the company's also offering discount coupons⁹ for its newest products inferno¹⁰ bullets, which start a small fire inside of someone when you shoot them.

"We understand that when our customers shoot a man, they wanna see his liquefied organs pour out of every hole in his body. Give us another chance, we'll give you the lung-shreddingest bullets on the market."

Still the effort might not be enough for many customers.

"Those people over at Steel Hawk ought to be shot in the face in front of their families."

Many gun owners have said the recall has been so frustrating¹¹ they will no longer use bullets, returning to more low-tech methods like beating victims with spiked¹² clubs or dragging them behind their cars.

Moving on, Congress announced today the long debated Darfur aid package will be used for a Darfur memorial instead.