访谈录 2009-08-20&08-23 【洋葱新闻】奥巴马患有两

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Welcome back, our top story today, the shocking announcement from the White House that President Barack Obama suffers from bipolar disorder¹.

Bipolar disorder is something the President has struggled with for most of his life. After a three-year long manic period of extreme positivity and productivity, he's now entered the deep depression.

Jame is live in Washington, and we also have Onion News Network medical expert doctor Simon Camble.

Hello, Glen.

Doctor Camble, this has taken a lot of people by surprises this morning.

It has, Glen. But if you look back Obama during his campaign and the six months in office, you see classic manic behavior, the extreme self-confidence, the euphoric, inexplicable² sense of hope. He babbled³ incoherently for hours about change and the fundamental goodness of the American people.

Yes. In addition, he was known for frequently sending out rambling⁴ emails with subject lines like, "I am so excited", "Major announcement" and "Will you join me". This is not the behavior of a sane⁵ person.

But now, of course, the President's behavior has changed dramatically. In fact, we have a copy of the budget that he presented to Congress yesterday which was not well-received as we all know. And last week, he proposed a health care plan that was nothing more than, "if you need a doctor, go see a doctor."

Yes. When asked at a press conference if he was going to further increase the national debt, Obama just replied, why would you ask that, and silently gripped his forehead.

Exactly. You can see it even in his handwriting. Here is his memo⁶ book from his manic phase, and from his depressive stage.

And sources tell us that today advisers⁷ could barely convince him to pose for his official White House portrait, all he had to do was sit there.

And he's dishevel, he's argumentative, he walks around unshaved and in an old stained bathrobe.

Yes, apparently⁸ the President has been spending every night on the couch in the Oval office, watching reruns of NYPD Blue until he falls asleep around 4 a.m. He doesn't leave the room for days at a time and reprotedly it is just filthy⁹.

All right, we are gonna have more on this. For now we wanna thank you both very much.

Pleasure.

Thank you, Glen.

White House officials say Vice¹⁰ President Joe Biden may step in to fill the duties of the presidency¹¹, however, that may cause further problem still, due to Mr. Biden's very public ongoing¹² struggle with Asperger Syndrome¹³.

Moving on now, a record marijuana bust¹⁴ turn ed out to be mostly shwag.