婚姻:逃不了的围城

　　电视里，电影里，各家各户冰箱上贴着的“婚礼日期提醒卡”(婚礼请柬)上，我们摆脱不了某种文化白噪音——我们曝露在窥探他人私密的八卦人群之间，我们浸透在幸灾乐祸的看客之中。而最近的一项调查却转变了我们的话题：美国结婚人数创历史最低纪录。美国调查机构皮尤研究中心对人口普查资料进行了分析，发现美国只有51%的成年夫妇已婚，其中18-29岁的青年中已婚人数比例跌至20%。2010年，结婚人数比2009年降低了5%。

　　This study is just the latest one to track a broadening of relationship choices for the youngest generation. Cohabitation is on the rise. Last year's Pew research on marriage unearths⁶ the ambivalence⁷ behind the numbers: 44 percent of Millennials feel that marriage is "becoming obsolete⁸." So is marriage on its way out?

　　青年人的婚恋关系选择面在不断拓宽，这次即是对最年轻的一代进行的跟踪调查。我们发现，年轻人同居的现象日益增多。去年皮尤研究中心对婚姻的研究揭露了隐藏在数字背后的矛盾心态：44%的新千年一代认为婚姻“越来越过时了”。那么婚姻真的过时了吗？

　　Hardly. Scholars and sociologists say that younger generations are probably delaying marriage, but that doesn't mean we won't eventually tie the knot. "The age of marriage has reached an all-time high," says the Council on Contemporary Families' director of research, Stephanie Coontz—26.5 for brides, 28.7 for grooms⁹. Some people may stay single forever. But Coontz warns that the number won't be as dramatic as we might think. "My guess would be that a slightly lower, but still fairly high amount of people will get married in their lifetimes—say, 84 percent as opposed to 90 percent a few years ago, or the 95 percent abberration in the 1950s."

　　不尽然。一些学者与社会学家表示，年轻一代很可能在延迟结婚，但并不意味永远不结婚。“平均结婚年龄已经创下空前最高纪录——新娘26.5岁，新郎28.7岁。”当代家庭协会的研究主任斯蒂芬妮·昆兹这样说道。还有一些人可能永远保持单身。但昆兹提醒我们，这个人数不会像我们想象的那么多。“我猜想，虽然结婚人数可能会减少，但依然有相当多的人会在一生中选择结婚——相对于几年前成年人中已婚人数为90%，目前则只有85%，早而在上个世纪50年代，这个比例是95%。”

　　Indeed, a majority of singles are hoping to walk down an aisle¹⁰ one day—even those in cohabiting couples—regardless of marriage's obsolescence¹¹. Therein lies the paradox¹²: Why do we want to join an institution that, according to us, is passing its expiration¹³ date? Privately¹⁴, we're choosing to live in sin or by our lonesomes. But publicly, we profess¹⁵ our interest in joining the oldest of romantic institutions. Or is it the other way around?

　　事实上，大多数单身贵族还是很希望有一天——可以像其他同居男女一样——走在林荫道上——先不考虑婚姻的。其中存在一个悖论：为什么我们都想遵循，在我们看来，是一种即将过时的制度呢？背地里，我们选择罪恶地姘居或过着独居生活；却公开宣称自己对加入那种最过时 但具有浪漫情调的制度多么有兴趣。或者又多么没兴趣？

　　Here's one possibility: The word "marriage" means different things in different contexts. On a societal level, marriage dredges up images of antiquated¹⁶ gender¹⁷ roles, social pressures, and institutional control. But individually, we see the opportunity to mold the institution to fit our own values—even more now that it's not obligatory¹⁸.

　　这里有一种可能的解释：“婚姻”这个词在不同的语境中意义不同。在社会层面上，婚姻让人想起那种过时的性别角色形象、社会压力以及制度上的约束。但个人看来，我们有机会改进这种制度让其符合我们的价值观——更多是因为婚姻不是强制的。

　　"As marriage has become less necessary to support yourself, to gain respectability, to have a rewarding life and a successful life, we've raised our expectations of what kind of a relationship we want," says Coontz. "Because it's not essential, we're no longer willing to enter a marriage that we don't see as being really, really good."

　　“我们能够自力更生、获取社会地位、过上有意义而又成功的生活，在这个过程中，婚姻变得越来越不必要，我们对自己想要的那种婚恋关系的期望值抬高了，”昆兹表示，“因为婚姻不重要了，我们不再心甘情愿地踏入我们认为真的真的那么好的婚姻殿堂了。”

　　That logic¹⁹ may mean that our generation waits to get hitched²⁰ for the "right" reasons—love, compatibility, financial stability (which, given the state of the economy, is inevitably²¹ delayed). That explains the rise of cohabitation as much as it does the fall of marriage. Most of us who choose to live together see it as a test drive for marriage, not a real alternative. But because we recognize that we do have options, marriage seems more "ours."

　　那样的逻辑可能意味着，我们这一代就是在等“对”的结婚理由——爱情、合得来以及经济基础稳定（考虑到经济状况，结婚就不可避免地延迟了。）这也很容易解释随着结婚人数的下降，同居人数却在上升。多数选择生活在一起的人都将同居看做“试婚”，而不是一个婚姻备选项。但原因是我们认识到了自己有选择权，这样看来，婚姻更是“我们自己的事儿”。

　　By agreeing that marriage is "obsolete," we're saying good riddance to our parents' idea of what the word means. But so many of us feel this way that we have created a new social compact around the institution's redefinition. We're signing the certificates on the premise²² that we're ambivalent²³ about marriage but too chicken to start from scratch. Pretty soon our friends will pair up and fall in line. And so it begins again.

　　我们赞同婚姻“过时”这种说法，就已经摆脱了父母眼中这个词的概念，这的确可喜可贺。许多人都有这种感觉，感觉自己已经围着这个制度的再定义创造了一种新的社会契约。在婚书上签字的那一刻，心中依然充满矛盾、胆怯，没有白手起家的勇气。但是很快，我们的朋友们就成双成对地加入结婚大军。那么结婚就又流行了。

分享到：