【有声英语文学名著】不会发生在这里（2）

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by Sinclair Lewis

 

Chapter 2

As he took his wife home and drove up Pleasant Hill to Tasbrough’s, Doremus Jessup meditated¹ upon the epidemic² patriotism⁴ of General Edgeways. But he broke it off to let himself be absorbed in the hills, as it had been his habit for the fifty-three years, out of his sixty years of life, that he had spent in Fort Beulah, Vermont.

Legally a city, Fort Beulah was a comfortable village of old red brick, old granite⁵ workshops, and houses of white clapboards or gray shingles⁶, with a few smug little modern bungalows⁷, yellow or seal brown. There was but little manufacturing: a small woolen⁸ mill, a sash-and-door factory, a pump works. The granite which was its chief produce came from quarries⁹ four miles away; in Fort Beulah itself were only the offices . . . all the money . . . the meager¹⁰ shacks¹¹ of most of the quarry¹² workers. It was a town of perhaps ten thousand souls, inhabiting about twenty thousand bodies — the proportion of soul-possession may be too high.

There was but one (comparative) skyscraper¹³ in town: the six-story Tasbrough Building, with the offices of the Tasbrough & Scarlett Granite Quarries; the offices of Doremus’s son-inlaw, Fowler Greenhill, M.D., and his partner, old Dr. Olmsted, of Lawyer Mungo Kitterick, of Harry¹⁵ Kindermann, agent for maple¹⁶ syrup¹⁷ and dairying supplies, and of thirty or forty other village samurai.

It was a downy town, a drowsy¹⁸ town, a town of security and tradition, which still believed in Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, and to which May Day was not an occasion for labor¹⁹ parades but for distributing small baskets of flowers.

It was a May night — late in May of 1936 — with a three-quarter moon. Doremus’s house was a mile from the business-center of Fort Beulah, on Pleasant Hill, which was a spur thrust like a reaching hand out from the dark rearing mass of Mount Terror. Upland meadows, moon-glistening, he could see, among the wildernesses²¹ of spruce and maple and poplar on the ridges²² far above him; and below, as his car climbed, was Ethan Creek²³ flowing through the meadows. Deep woods — rearing mountain bulwarks²⁴ — the air like spring-water — serene²⁵ clapboarded houses that remembered the War of 1812 and the boyhoods of those errant Vermonters, Stephen A. Douglas, the “Little Giant,” and Hiram Powers and Thaddeus Stevens and Brigham Young and President Chester Alan Arthur.

“No — Powers and Arthur — they were weak sisters,” pondered Doremus. “But Douglas and Thad Stevens and Brigham, the old stallion — I wonder if we’re breeding up any paladins like those stout²⁶, grouchy²⁷ old devils?— if we’re producing ’em anywhere in New England?— anywhere in America?— anywhere in the world? They had guts²⁸. Independence. Did what they wanted to and thought what they liked, and everybody could go to hell. The youngsters today — Oh, the aviators²⁹ have plenty of nerve. The physicists³⁰, these twenty-five-year-old Ph. D.‘s that violate the inviolable atom, they’re pioneers. But most of the wishy-washy young people today — Going seventy miles an hour but not going anywhere — not enough imagination to WANT to go anywhere! Getting their music by turning a dial. Getting their phrases from the comic strips instead of from Shakespeare and the Bible and Veblen and Old Bill Sumner. Pap-fed flabs! Like this smug pup Malcolm Tasbrough, hanging around Sissy! Aah!

“Wouldn’t it be hell if that stuffed shirt, Edgeways, and that political Mae West, Gimmitch, were right, and we need all these military monkeyshines and maybe a fool war (to conquer some sticky-hot country we don’t want on a bet!) to put some starch³¹ and git into these marionettes we call our children? Aah!

“But rats — These hills! Castle walls. And this air. They can keep their Cotswolds and Harz Mountains and Rockies! D. Jessup — topographical patriot³. And I AM a —”

“Dormouse, would you mind driving on the right-hand side of the road — on curves, anyway?” said his wife peaceably.

An upland hollow and mist beneath the moon — a veil of mist over apple blossoms and the heavy bloom of an ancient lilac bush beside the ruin of a farmhouse³² burned these sixty years and more.

Mr. Francis Tasbrough was the president, general manager, and chief owner of the Tasbrough & Scarlett Granite Quarries, at West Beulah, four miles from “the Fort.” He was rich, persuasive³³, and he had constant labor troubles. He lived in a new Georgian brick house on Pleasant Hill, a little beyond Doremus Jessup’s, and in that house he maintained a private barroom luxurious³⁴ as that of a motor company’s advertising³⁵ manager at Grosse Point. It was no more the traditional New England than was the Catholic part of Boston; and Frank himself boasted that, though his family had for six generations lived in New England, he was no tight Yankee but in his Efficiency, his Salesmanship, the complete Pan–American Business Executive.

He was a tall man, Tasbrough, with a yellow mustache and a monotonously³⁷ emphatic³⁸ voice. He was fifty-four, six years younger than Doremus Jessup, and when he had been four, Doremus had protected him from the results of his singularly unpopular habit of hitting the other small boys over the head with things — all kinds of things — sticks and toy wagons³⁹ and lunch boxes and dry cow flops⁴⁰.

Assembled in his private barroom tonight, after the Rotarian Dinner, were Frank himself, Doremus Jessup, Medary Cole, the miller⁴¹, Superintendent⁴² of Schools Emil Staubmeyer, R. C. Crowley — Roscoe Conkling Crowley, the weightiest banker in Fort Beulah — and, rather surprisingly, Tasbrough’s pastor⁴³, the Episcopal minister, the Rev⁴⁴. Mr. Falck, his old hands as delicate as porcelain⁴⁵, his wilderness²⁰ of hair silk-soft and white, his unfleshly face betokening⁴⁶ the Good Life. Mr. Falck came from a solid Knickerbocker family, and he had studied in Edinburgh and Oxford⁴⁷ along with the General Theological Seminary of New York; and in all of the Beulah Valley there was, aside from Doremus, no one who more contentedly⁴⁸ hid away in the shelter of the hills.

The barroom had been professionally interior-decorated by a young New York gentleman with the habit of standing⁴⁹ with the back of his right hand against his hip³⁶. It had a stainless-steel bar, framed illustrations from La Vie Parisienne, silvered metal tables, and chromium-plated aluminum⁵⁰ chairs with scarlet¹⁴ leather cushions.

All of them except Tasbrough, Medary Cole (a social climber to whom the favors of Frank Tasbrough were as honey and fresh ripened⁵¹ figs), and “Professor” Emil Staubmeyer were uncomfortable in this parrot-cage elegance⁵², but none of them, including Mr. Falck, seemed to dislike Frank’s soda⁵³ and excellent Scotch⁵⁴ or the sardine⁵⁵ sandwiches.

“And I wonder if Thad Stevens would of liked this, either?” considered Doremus. “He’d of snarled⁵⁶. Old cornered catamount. But probably not at the whisky!”

“Doremus,” demanded Tasbrough, “why don’t you take a tumble to yourself? All these years you’ve had a lot of fun criticizing — always being agin the government — kidding everybody — posing as such a Liberal that you’ll stand for all these subversive⁵⁷ elements. Time for you to quit playing tag with crazy ideas and come in and join the family. These are serious times — maybe twenty-eight million on relief, and beginning to get ugly — thinking they’ve got a vested right now to be supported.

“And the Jew Communists and Jew financiers plotting together to control the country. I can understand how, as a younger fellow, you could pump up a little sympathy for the unions and even for the Jews — though, as you know, I’ll never get over being sore at you for taking the side of the strikers when those thugs were trying to ruin my whole business — burn down my polishing and cutting shops — why, you were even friendly with that alien murderer Karl Pascal, who started the whole strike — maybe I didn’t enjoy firing HIM when it was all over!

“But anyway, these labor racketeers are getting together now, with Communist leaders, and determined⁵⁸ to run the country — to tell men like ME how to run our business!— and just like General Edgeways said, they’ll refuse to serve their country if we should happen to get dragged into some war. Yessir, a mighty⁵⁹ serious hour, and it’s time for you to cut the cackle and join the really responsible citizens.”

Said Doremus, “Hm. Yes, I agree it’s a serious time. With all the discontent there is in the country to wash him into office, Senator Windrip has got an excellent chance to be elected President, next November, and if he is, probably his gang of buzzards will get us into some war, just to grease their insane vanity and show the world that we’re the huskiest nation going. And then I, the Liberal, and you, the Plutocrat, the bogus Tory, will be led out and shot at 3 A.M. Serious? Huh!”

“Rats! You’re exaggerating!” said R. C. Crowley.

Doremus went on: “If Bishop⁶⁰ Prang, our Savonarola in a Cadillac 16, swings his radio audience and his League of Forgotten Men to Buzz Windrip, Buzz will win. People will think they’re electing him to create more economic security. Then watch the Terror! God knows there’s been enough indication that we CAN have tyranny in America — the fix of the Southern share-croppers, the working conditions of the miners and garment-makers, and our keeping Mooney in prison so many years. But wait till Windrip shows us how to say it with machine guns! Democracy — here and in Britain and France, it hasn’t been so universal a sniveling slavery as Naziism⁶¹ in Germany, such an imagination-hating, pharisaic materialism⁶² as Russia — even if it has produced industrialists⁶³ like you, Frank, and bankers like you, R. C., and given you altogether too much power and money. On the whole, with scandalous exceptions, Democracy’s given the ordinary worker more dignity than he ever had. That may be menaced now by Windrip — all the Windrips. All right! Maybe we’ll have to fight paternal⁶⁴ dictatorship with a little sound patricide⁶⁵ — fight machine guns with machine guns. Wait till Buzz takes charge of us. A real Fascist⁶⁶ dictatorship!”

“Nonsense! Nonsense!” snorted Tasbrough. “That couldn’t happen here in America, not possibly! We’re a country of freemen.”

“The answer to that,” suggested Doremus Jessup, “if Mr. Falck will forgive me, is ‘the hell it can’t!’ Why, there’s no country in the world that can get more hysterical⁶⁷ — yes, or more obsequious⁶⁸!— than America. Look how Huey Long became absolute monarch⁶⁹ over Louisiana, and how the Right Honorable Mr. Senator Berzelius Windrip owns HIS State. Listen to Bishop Prang and Father Coughlin on the radio — divine oracles⁷⁰, to millions. Remember how casually⁷¹ most Americans have accepted Tammany grafting⁷² and Chicago gangs and the crookedness⁷³ of so many of President Harding’s appointees? Could Hitler’s bunch, or Windrip’s, be worse? Remember the Kuklux Klan? Remember our war hysteria, when we called sauerkraut ‘Liberty cabbage’ and somebody actually proposed calling German measles⁷⁴ ‘Liberty measles’? And wartime censorship of honest papers? Bad as Russia! Remember our kissing the — well, the feet of Billy Sunday, the million-dollar evangelist, and of Aimée McPherson, who swam from the Pacific Ocean clear into the Arizona desert and got away with it? Remember Voliva and Mother Eddy⁷⁵? . . . Remember our Red scares and our Catholic scares, when all well-informed people knew that the O.G.P.U. were hiding out in Oskaloosa, and the Republicans campaigning against Al Smith told the Carolina mountaineers that if Al won the Pope would illegitimatize their children? Remember Tom Heflin and Tom Dixon? Remember when the hick legislators in certain states, in obedience⁷⁶ to William Jennings Bryan, who learned his biology from his pious⁷⁷ old grandma, set up shop as scientific experts and made the whole world laugh itself sick by forbidding the teaching of evolution? . . . Remember the Kentucky night-riders? Remember how trainloads of people have gone to enjoy lynchings? Not happen here? Prohibition⁷⁸ — shooting down people just because they MIGHT be transporting liquor — no, that couldn’t happen in AMERICA! Why, where in all history has there ever been a people so ripe for a dictatorship as ours! We’re ready to start on a Children’s Crusade — only of adults — right now, and the Right Reverend Abbots Windrip and Prang are all ready to lead it!”

“Well, what if they are?” protested R. C. Crowley. “It might not be so bad. I don’t like all these irresponsible attacks on us bankers all the time. Of course, Senator Windrip has to pretend publicly to bawl⁷⁹ the banks out, but once he gets into power he’ll give the banks their proper influence in the administration and take our expert financial advice. Yes. Why are you so afraid of the word ‘Fascism,’ Doremus? Just a word — just a word! And might not be so bad, with all the lazy bums⁸⁰ we got panhandling relief nowadays, and living on my income tax and yours — not so worse to have a real Strong Man, like Hitler or Mussolini — like Napoleon or Bismarck in the good old days — and have ’em really RUN the country and make it efficient and prosperous again. ‘Nother words, have a doctor who won’t take any back-chat, but really boss the patient and make him get well whether he likes it or not!”

“Yes!” said Emil Staubmeyer. “Didn’t Hitler save Germany from the Red Plague of Marxism? I got cousins there. I KNOW!”

“Hm,” said Doremus, as often Doremus did say it. “Cure the evils of Democracy by the evils of Fascism! Funny therapeutics. I’ve heard of their curing syphilis by giving the patient malaria⁸¹, but I’ve never heard of their curing malaria by giving the patient syphilis!”

“Think that’s nice language to use in the presence of the Reverend Falck?” raged Tasbrough.

Mr. Falck piped up, “I think it’s quite nice language, and an interesting suggestion, Brother Jessup!”

“Besides,” said Tasbrough, “this chewing the rag is all nonsense, anyway. As Crowley says, might be a good thing to have a strong man in the saddle, but — it just can’t happen here in America.”

And it seemed to Doremus that the softly moving lips of the Reverend Mr. Falck were framing, “The hell it can’t!”

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