TED演讲:为什么我们需要与陌生人交流(5)

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isn't picking up on it that you want to leave early. 竟然没有注意到你想要早点离开。

And you're thinking, "I gave you the look." 你会想，“我向你使过眼色了。”

With a stranger, we have to start from scratch. 对待陌生人的时候，我们就需要从零开始。

We tell the whole story, we explain who the people are, how we feel about them; 我们要讲清前因后果，我们会解释都有哪些人，以及我们对他们的看法；

we spell out all the inside jokes. And guess what? 我们会解释清楚笑点在哪里。猜猜结果是什么？

Sometimes they do understand us a little better. OK. 有时候他们确实能更好的理解我们。好的。

So now that we know that talking to strangers matters, how does it work? 现在我们知道与陌生人的交流关系重大，但是为什么会这样呢？

There are unwritten rules we tend to follow. 我们会遵循一些约定俗成的规矩，

The rules are very different depending on what country you're in, what culture you're in. 这些规矩会因为你所在的国家和文化背景有所差异。

In most parts of the US, the baseline expectation in public 在美国大多数地方，公共交流的底线是

is that we maintain a balance between civility and privacy². 我们要维持礼貌和隐私的平衡。

This is known as civil inattention. 也就是我们说的“礼节性疏忽”。

So, imagine two people are walking towards each other on the street. 想象两个人在街道上面对面走近。

They'll glance at each other from a distance. That's the civility, the acknowledgment. 他们会远距离观察对方。这是礼节，是对他人的认可。

And then as they get closer, they'll look away, to give each other some space. 但是随着他们走近彼此，他们会移开视线，目的就是给对方一些个人空间。

In other cultures, people go to extraordinary lengths not to interact³ at all. 在其他文化中，人们会尽力避免跟其他人有任何接触。

People from Denmark tell me that many Danes are so averse⁴ to talking to strangers, 丹麦的朋友告诉我，很多丹麦人不愿意和陌生人讲话，

that they would rather miss their stop on the bus than say "excuse me" to someone that they need to get around. 以至于他们宁愿坐过站也不愿意对别人说“接过”，好腾出地方让自己下车。

So, instead, there's this elaborate shuffling⁵ of bags 他们只会通过故意移动背包

and using your body to say that you need to get past, instead of using two words. 和肢体语言来告诉别人他们需要借过，而不是用简单的两个单词。

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