TED演讲:一段无人了解的经历(4)

（单词翻译）

Perhaps my parents could have found out and could have helped.

也许我的父母本能够发现并给我帮助。

But the years of constant caretaking, having to wake up every two hours to turn me,

但是经年累月的康复照看，不得不每两个小时就醒来让我翻身，

combined with them essentially¹ grieving the loss of their son, had taken a toll² on my mother and father.

加上失去一个儿子的沉痛伤悲，让我的父母觉得难以招架。

Following yet another heated argument between my parents, in a moment of despair and desperation, my mother turned to me and told me that I should die.

随着父母之间的一次激烈的争吵，在那么一个绝望的氛围之下我的母亲看向了我对我说“你应该去死”。

I was shocked, but as I thought about what she had said, I was filled with enormous compassion³ and love for my mother, yet I could do nothing about it.

我非常震惊，但是当我思考她所说的话，我感觉到了对我的母亲的巨大同情和爱，但我对此无能为力。

There were many moments when I gave up, sinking into a dark abyss. I remember one particularly low moment.

很多次我决定放弃，不如就此沉入黑暗的深渊，我仍能记起一次极端低潮的时候。

My dad left me alone in the car while he quickly went to buy something from the store. A random⁴ stranger walked past, looked at me and he smiled.

我的父亲把我一个人留在车中，他一个人很快的去商店里买些东西，一个陌生人走过来看了我一眼，给了我一个微笑。

I may never know why, but that simple act, the fleeting⁵ moment of human connection, transformed how I was feeling, making me want to keep going.

我并不知道他为何笑，但那个简单的动作，那个瞬间人类间的交流改变了我的想法，让我非常想要坚持下去。

My existence was tortured by monotony, a reality that was often too much to bear.

我的生命被单调折磨，这是一个时常难以承受的现实。

Alone with my thoughts, I constructed intricate fantasies about ants running across the floor.

当我只与思维作伴时，我只能靠构建出的错综复杂的幻想度日，想象成群的蚂蚁在地板上穿行。

I taught myself to tell the time by noticing where the shadows were.

我学会通过观察阴影的位置来辨别时间。

As I learned how the shadows moved as the hours of the day passed, I understood how long it would be before I was picked up and taken home.

因为我观察出阴影是如何随着时间而移动，我逐渐能够判断出离回家还需要多久时间。