英语听力 暮光之城•暮色 第202期:第十二章 平衡(14)

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"Absolutely, Dad. “完全肯定，爸爸。

Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish—we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply." 还有，冰箱里的鱼少得有点危险——我们只剩下可吃两年，或者三年的存量了。”

"You're sure easy to live with, Bella." He smiled. “你能撑得过去的，贝拉。”他笑了起来。

"I could say the same thing about you," I said, laughing. “对你我也可以这样说。”我说着，大笑起来。

The sound of my laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. 我的笑声有些突兀，但他没注意到。

I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost. 我为欺骗他而深感内疚，几乎就要采纳爱德华的建议，告诉他要去那里了。只是几乎。

After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer¹. 晚饭后，我把衣服叠好，又放了一堆进烘干机。

Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. 不幸的是，这种工作只能让手忙着。

My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. 我的脑子依然无所事事，于是它完全失控了。

I fluctuated between anticipation² so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious³ fear that picked at my resolve. 我在两种念头间动荡不安着，一方面我的期望是如此的强烈以致于这种感觉几近痛苦，而另一方面一种潜伏着的恐惧正蚕食着我的决心。

I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. 我不得不一再地提醒自己，我已经作出了我的选择，而且我不打算回头。

I pulled his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. 我太过频繁地把他的字条从口袋里拿出来看，汲取着他所写的两个小小的字。

He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. 他希望我平安，我一遍又一遍地告诉自己。

I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. 我只需要坚信着这一点，最终，这个渴望将战胜一切别的念头。

And what was my other choice—to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. 而我的另一个选择——把他从我的生活里剔除掉又会怎么样呢？这将是我生命中不能承受之痛。

Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him. 此外，从我来到福克斯时起，他就已经成为了我的生命中的一切。

But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much...if it ended badly. 但在我心底的一个小小的声音在担心着，想知道这会不会非常地让人受创……如果结局不好的话。

I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. 当时间已经太晚，已经到了睡觉时间的时候，我很是宽慰。

I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. 我知道自己太紧张，根本没法睡着，所以我做了一件我从没做过的事。

I deliberately⁴ took unnecessary cold medicine—the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. 我故意吃了点感冒药，尽管我并不需要——这种药片能让我昏睡过去，好好地睡上八个小时。

I normally wouldn't condone⁵ that type of behavior in myself, 正常情况下我不会宽恕自己的这种行为，

but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation⁶ on top of everything else. 但明天的情况已经够复杂的了，我没有必要在所有别的事情之外，再雪上加霜地让自己因为睡眠不足而昏昏沉沉。

While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, 在我等着药物生效的时候，我擦着自己洗得干干净净的头发，直到它直得无懈可击为止，

and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. 然后焦躁不安地准备好明天要穿的衣服。

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