TED演讲:大爱无疆 爱本无条件(4)

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And I call them horizontal identities,  我称它们为水平身份认同，

because the peer group is the horizontal experience. 因为和同伴一起活动，接触，是所谓的一种经验。

These are identities that are alien to your parents and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers. 这些身份认同与你从父母处得来的不同，你需要通过接触同伴自己发掘。

And those identities, those horizontal identities,  这种身份认同，我指的是水平身份认同，

people have almost always tried to cure. 就是人们最希望去治愈的部分。

And I wanted to look at what the process is through which people who have those identities come to a good relationship with them. 我想要研究的是，这是怎样的过程，有着这些身份认同的人们是怎么和他们保持好的关系的。

And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance that needed to take place. 在我看来，有三种不同程度的接受。

There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance. 这三种是，自我接受，家庭接纳，社会接纳。

And they don't always coincide. 它们并不一定同步发生。

And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry because they feel as though their parents don't love them,  很多时候，这样的人很易怒，因为他们觉得，他们的父母并不爱他们，

when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them. 真实的情况是，他的父母不接受他们。

Love is something that ideally is there unconditionally¹ throughout the relationship between a parent and a child. 最理想的爱就是父母和孩子之间那种无条件的爱。

But acceptance is something that takes time. 但接受是需要时间。

It always takes time. 接受总是需要时间的。

One of the dwarfs² I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown. 我认识的一个小矮人，名叫克林顿布朗。

When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,  他出生的时候就被诊断为畸形侏儒症，

a very disabling condition,  他的残疾非常严重，

and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk,  他的父母被告知，他永久丧失行走能力和语言能力，

he would have no intellectual capacity,  他也没有获取知识的能力，

and he would probably not even recognize them. 他甚至也不会认识他的父母。

And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital so that he could die there quietly. 医院给他父母的建议是把他留在医院，他可以在那里平静地离世。

And his mother said she wasn't going to do it. 他的母亲说，她不会这样做。

And she took her son home. 她把她的儿子带回了家。

And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,  尽管她没有什么学历，也不是很富有，

she found the best doctor in the country for dealing³ with diastrophic dwarfism,  她还是找到了治疗畸形侏儒症全国最顶级的医生，

and she got Clinton enrolled⁴ with him. 她让克林顿接受治疗。

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